Pain

In 2006, I was healing. I jumped into the process a little too quickly though, and let myself pretend to be happy before I'd actually grieved over everything. I never got rid of the pain that had been caused- I just pretended it didn't exist.

Months later, I felt the pain returning. I knew it was going to encompass me, and I didn't really know how to avoid it. I wasn't expecting it to show up like it did. I knew that I could overcome it- I had faith and hope in my future. But I also knew that I couldn't kill it for good alone, and I worried that I wouldn't be able to pull others into my army.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006     24 years old

Pain

It lurks in through the pores

through the eyes, through words.

                      Hiding in the shadows inside

                               It creeps beneath the muscles

                               and winds around the heart 

                                               Not striking, but waiting.

                                               Patient for the perfect moment.

                                      Dormant for weeks, months...

                                      Perfectly hidden by laughter

                                      Covered in layers of smiles

                        Just waiting to show itself.

                        Counting the moments before it comes out of the darkness

                                Before pouncing on the stomach with the weight of twenty anvils

                                and puncturing the heart with razor fangs.

Surprise is pains greatest ally.

So it waits.

                      You cannot hunt it down

                      It will only evade the capture,

                      and grow as you feed it with deception.

                                                   You cannot avoid it.

                                                   It grows faster with lies

                                                   and it will overtake if never faced.

          When it strikes, you must attack.

                  Swords drawn,

                         Flags flying,

                                Full army-

                                     attack.

            Or you will lose. And it will win.

                          Damage will be done,

                          but what is rebuilt will be a dream none thought possible.

                                                      

I do not fear the inevitable attack.

        I too wait, ready.

        I will attack.

             Head on.

             Full force.

In the end, my banner will fly.

                                                  My only fear is that I will fight alone.

                                          And I will have won a battle, not the war.