I Said to Myself

In college, I suffered from months of depression. It hit me strong at the beginning of the summer, but a few weeks into it, I was tired of it. I launched a full fledged assault against my depression.

Summer 2002, age 20

I Said to Myself

So I says to Myself, "Self, you're looking a little blue."

                     Myself just says, "If you knew yourself, you'd be blue too."

So I says to Myself, "Self, stand up straight and tall."

                    Myself smirks and replies, "There's no point to it all."

So I says to Myself, "Self, suck it up or go away."

                    Myself folded her arms and said, "I'm here to stay."

Then Myself started crying, and complaining all the time.

Try as I did she just wouldn't stop that awful whine.

She whined of her looks, dumbness, or her hated fat.

I said, "Self- look in the mirror. You won't see none of that."

Again I asked Myself to be happy, and Myself was so confused.

I told Myself to get over it, but Myself absolutely refused.

So I says to Myself, "Self, it's time for you to go!"

                     Myself stood her ground and firmly told her no.

Then she started crying and it grew to a fit of rage.

So I went to the store and bought Myself a cage.

So when she fell asleep I threw her in and locked the door.

                    But it just made her cry and whine a whole lot more.

 I says to Myself, "Be happy and you can come out."

                    But Myself kept frowning and Myself started to shout.

I got sick of the whining and I went back to the store.

I bought all the supplies I should have bought before.

I bought large bricks and I bought cement by the pound.

Then I took it back to show Myself what I had found.

                    Myself yelled, "You're worthless!" and put up a noble fight. 

But I built Myself a wall- built it that very night.

So Myself is locked away, her whines I cannot hear.

She may dig her way out- That is my greatest fear.

But for now she's gone and I pretend she isn't real.

                    No one knows of Myself, and the things she feels.

Sometimes I think of her and I wonder what went wrong.

But then I ignore it, I know the wall is strong.

I've been told walls are bad and they should be torn down.

But this one must never be for they'd hate what they found.

So I'll keep my secret safe or at least for awhile.

And for me, I am happy and I always wear a smile.